Archives for category: Running & Me


The washing-up
Writing in my notebook
Organising my wardrobe
Dicking around on Twitter/Facebook/Path/Whatsapp
Reading a book
Phoning a friend
Looking out of the window
Eating ice cream
Going for a run (to avoid writing)
Writing this list (to avoid running)
Looking at my medals
Watching makeup tutorials, samba videos and Awkward Black Girl on YouTube
Flicking through old copies of Mslexia, Runner’s World and Women’s Running
Descaling the taps
Cleaning the bathroom
Seasoning the chicken
Calling my sister or BFF just to say ‘hey’


Training for this race gave me my life back and kept me sane. This is not an exaggeration.

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This came to me a little while back when I was folding away some newly-washed Lycra. I caught a whiff of something, and it was BO like Selecta.

You shouldn’t have to do the ‘sniff test’ AFTER you’ve done your laundry. You shouldn’t be wondering ‘what smells… like burgers?’ right after a workout. Sure, you get a little extra room on the bus home after a run or gym session, but there’s That Awkward Moment when you realise YOU are what stinks.

YOU smell like burgers fried in onions and ass. In a bin. On a summer’s day.

YOU cannot get the smell out of your clothes for love nor money.

And it isn’t just after a workout, either… it’s all the time. The merest hint of perspiration has you unable to do things you’d previously taken for granted, like leaping in the air, arms aloft, shouting ‘YES!’ You catch yourself sniffing your armpit and asking how exactly things got so tangy.

‘Horses sweat, men perspire, ladies merely glow’, Shakespeare said. Hm. He hadn’t accounted for gentlemen and ladies who sweat like beasts. Glow? I should be so lucky.

I’m told this is down to the body becoming more efficient at cooling you down while you exercise; it’s a common misconception that sweating buckets is only for the unfit.

If you’re also being soundtracked by C+C Music Factory, might I recommend ditching the usual deodorants/anti-perspirants and hitting the hard stuff? If it ain’t 48-hour, it ain’t gonna touch the sides. Get it, and get it NOW.

You’re welcome.

I can’t lie, I’m a little bit scared. On Sunday 4th March I do the 2012 Step Change challenge at the Gherkin (30 St Mary Axe) to raise money for the NSPCC.

That’s right, I’m going to be racing up 38 floors, 180 metres and 1037 STEPS. All the way to the top, baby!

So. I’ve got to raise £200 – let the training and the squeezing of lovely people for funds begin…


I'm on the far left, holding a rainbow.

Proudly repping for Run Dem Crew, I was part of a 43-strong team which, as it turned out, was the largest in the word for the MoRunning event (part of the Movember men’s cancer awareness-raising movement).

Despite not knowing my race number, I registered quickly and easily, as the registration staff kept numbered lists which were cross-referenced with entrant’s names (but no master list).

I’ve never used a paper strip race chip before, and making sure that my race number was showing at all times was probably easier said than done; I had to keep turning the paper strip upwards to make sure the number was visible. I tend to prefer the usual chips.

There was a great atmosphere in the build-up to the race. Nearly everyone I saw was resplendent in moustaches – and the men did a fine job also!

The rest of the crew and I took our positions, and the opportunity to skank out a bit to LMFAO‘s ‘Party Rock Anthem’.

The race itself

I’ve said before, and will say again, that the course of what shall now be known as ‘Greenwich Bloodclart Park’ was drawn, then redrawn, by a madman.

We started down the easy descent from the top of the hill near the Observatory, left down a steeper descent and left again down a steeper one still; then I get a bit muddled after the first flat. It’s a hill, so of course the route was hilly. But UGH… the inclines had a special way of making me feel like my legs were weighted with lead, so I tackled them on tiptoe or powerwalked where I could. When my pre-race chug of Jack3d failed me, cursing my existence powered me through the course.

Race organisation – positives

  • The marshals were friendly and encouraging
  • The rout itself was clearly marked and there was no chance of veering off-course, with marshals planted all over.

The negatives

  • Seeing signs for 6 and 7 km before the first km was done. AGGGGHHHHH! It’s bad enough the course breaks your balls, but messing with the mind as well? No bueno.
  • One water station after the first lap? I suppose, in fairness, it’s ‘only’ 6 miles, and space might have been an issue. But it still didn’t seem enough. Moan moan moan 🙂
  • Slightly rubbish goodie packs – lots of paper fraff, which I chucked away, and a Snickers bar. Not great post-race nutrition. The Vitamin Water was welcome, though.

On thing I’ve learned from the race, and from prepping for it, is this: research the route and if you can, do a quick recce or at least a recce run. We did practice runs beforehand, and although the race-day route was rather different, suffering those hills in advance of the race gave me an edge. If I hadn’t cursed and bitched and moaned through those runs, I’d be cussing even more. Fail to prepare = prepare to fail, and all that. Big thanks to Glenn, who helped us get our ish together.

Anyway. It’s not a route for a PB (although one of our nitro-footed number did score a trophy), but I’m pleased to say I rolled in at 1:12:47. And that was with walk breaks!

I chilled with some of Run Dem, then took my creaking body off to Chinatown for a massage and some bubble tea. Then I went clubbing that night – I was out until four in stilettoes – and my legs were thoroughly pissed off the next day. Worth it though… but that’s a different story 😉

See the leggings, the moustaches, the  t-shirts, the  tantrums and the sexy Cheer Dem Crew here on the RDC facebook page:

I’ve had a couple of people ask me on Twitter what they needed to start running, and I’ve had people say they took up running inspired, in part, by my antics. People are coming to me with questions and asking for advice, so this post is inspired by you, and for you.

Now, the great thing about running is that all it takes to start running is to literally get out there and run. You don’t need fancy equipment – just motivation. But there are things you need to get going on the right path. Let’s get the basics covered:


Your AirForce 1s will not cut it. Take the time to get a gait analysis, or at least pay attention to what your foot does when it hits the ground. Does it roll inwards? Outwards? Not at all? Go to a running-centric shoe shop and get advice on what to wear. Even if this means getting a pair of basic, sturdy and unsexy Nike ‘Retards’ (see @thetortoisewithnohair, @tahira, @sammi_x)


Your cotton tees and joggers will not do, either. Now is the time to invest in lycra – don’t act like you never wanted to!  Cotton is not a sweat-wicking fabric; it will hang heavy and damp on you, and you’ll smell even more rank after a run than you would otherwise. I wouldn’t know, because my BO smells like Chanel No5, but I digress.

When I say ‘sweat wicking’, I mean mechnical gear which draws sweat away from your body, and depending on the time of year you go out running in, is designed to keep you appropriately warm or cool. Think Baby Bear – just right. There’s nothing more likely to put you off your stride than feeling all ‘Betty Swollocks’.

Look out for pieces with pockets in them, preferably zipped-up back or  side pockets; I’m fairly sure you’ll need to carry stuff, unless you have a monkey butler to jog alongside you. The little shiny bits on the clothing aren’t there to make you look like an extra from Tron; they’re designed to help you not get hit by cars in the dark, if you’re not inclined to wear bright yellow or pink running tights like me.

‘OMG. People are looking at me!’

Yes, you will initially feel like 10 pounds of shit in a 5-pound bag; yes, you’ll feel self-conscious, yes, you’ll look like an escapee from Ninja College. Yes, people will look at you a bit funny, and yes, you’ll feel like the only person in the world wearing lycra. And yes, you’ll just have to get over it. It won’t take long, I promise.


Men, you will have to wear something under your tights and running shorts to stop your sugar lumps flailing helplessly about. Likewise, you’ll probably want to avoid any Torture Garden-type apparel which will crush the ‘boys’.

Women, you need to wear a sports bra for the same reason. I firmly believe that any woman wearing her normal bra out jogging should be summarily executed. When I am dictator I will shoot first, ask questions later, but I digress.


You have the choice to run free, to let your spirit take you to weird and wonderful places at your own pace, and that’s great. You also have the option of looking at your stats, so you can see how long time and distance wise you’re going, if you’re kicking anyone’s arse, and work towards getting a personal best (PB). iPhone and iPod touch users (if you’re hooked up to a wi-fi connection) can download the Nike+ app; adidas have the miCoach app too. A cheap alternative to Garmins is a Nike+ Sportband.


Spending it, that is. You don’t need to go to NikeTown and piss all your money away – there are loads of sites where you can get cheap, good quality branded running gear –  new-season stuff, too! I like Start Fitness and TK Maxx, personally – the selection in SportsDirect merely nudges ‘OK’ in my opinion. I tend to shop in Sweaty Betty during the sales, more often than not, to indulge my love of sport luxe style. Some brands are worth spending the extra on because of the pure quality.


Get technical  running socks which will support and cushion your feet, and protect them from blisters. Leave the Pringles in the drawer.


Accept now that your feet will suffer from regular training. Toenails will magically disappear, and blisters will make you their bitch. To protect against this, go to a dance shop like Bloch and get the little toe protector thingies. Unlike Boots and Superdrug, they make them to go over, not just round, your big toes and pinkies. Even if you buy good shoes, they can’t protect you totally from the repetitive pounding motion of running. Also, get bunion protectors – you’ll find them in the footcare aisle of Boots and Superdrug, or any local pharmacy.


Carrying things in pockets is long.

You need to get clothes with pockets, but for bits which will make you look a bit suspect (lycra  + funny bulges = not even worth it) get a running bumbag or a Y-fumble. My friend makes these, and these awesome little sleeve pockets can easy fit my brick BB, keys, and a small child with no problem. They don’t slide off. WIN.


If you’re going to carry your iPod or phone, even just to track your movements on your chosen app, make sure you get the right holder for the model. How annoying is it if you can’t swipe, press buttons and change playlists unless you take the damn thing off your arm and out of the holder?


Read up on running technique, and if you can go to a free workshop, so much the better. Paid ones are good, too. We don’t want to overthink at this early stage, but I see so many people running like they’re doing the Charleston that I must state how important it is to think about what your body does when you run. Not least because it prevents injury, and people actually pointing and laughing (and hey, when we run, we think people are doing that anyway. Best not to give them any more ammo).

Read up on nutrition. Read up on stretches; they’re essential. Read about other people, like you, like me, who felt a bit scared to begin with, and grew in confidence.

Mens Running/Women’s Running

Runners’ World



Listen to your Body

It’ll take a little time to distinguish this voice from the voice telling you to eat Krispy Kremes. Your body tells you when it’s sick, when it’s tired, when it needs nourishment and love. This isn’t the voice which tells you ‘Oh God, I can’t be arsed’ five minutes into a run but ‘Please. Enough. I really can’t do this. I need to lie down/poop/take some Nurofen/feed my ovaries chocolate’ etc.

I’ve tried to run during the first day of my period, when all I had the energy to do was stay in bed – even after countless ProPlus pills and a glass of Berocca – and ended up feeling worse. There are some days where mental strength will not get you through. You’ll learn what those are the hard way; no two ways about it. Just learn what those voices are and listen out for them.

Mental Fortitude (or ‘Haters are Gonna Hate’)

People are looking at you funny. The people you run with might be more advanced than you. It’s too cold; it’s too hot. Get over it! Smile, and tell yourself you’re having fun, and when you’re not having fun, dig deep and concentrate on the music, the scenery, your breath – anything that takes away from the kill-me-now-ness.  Some of your friends and family will treat you like you’ve taken up sword-juggling; some people will be hostile and be, as the Scientologists call them, Suppressive Persons. I think 95% of running is up here *taps temple* – as Riley from The Boondocks would say, it’s all in the mental mind, yo.

Everything you do as a runner makes you a stronger person.

You’re Still Here? Get off Your Arse!

So. You have the trainers, the gear, and the attitude. If you’re still reading this, then it’s time to get off your arse and into the big bad world.

Go forth and enjoy – you’re a runner now!

I’ve been reflecting on my last few sessions with RDC.

I while ago I received the race pack for Boutique Run, the race I’d ambled along, sometime last summer, to Run Dem to train for in the first place. I didn’t know anyone and that’s shit scary enough, but threw myself into talking, running-without-dying, all the rest of it. Charlie made me feel welcome, and I got chatting to fellow ‘after-hours athletes’. Gradually, though, I’ve gone from an occasional attendee to a full member – I’ve got an RDC tee to prove it!

A few weeks ago, I walked into the new-smelling, sexed-up 1948 store in Shoreditch and realised that RDC was quickly becoming my Cheers – a place where people knew me, knew my name, and I knew theirs.

I watched as a heartfelt tribute to Charlie was read out (it was the application for his nomination as Olympic torch-bearer). We applauded as the Virgin London Marathon runners of RDC were handed their seriously amazing Nike iD shoes, personalised with each runner’s finish time.

We were introduced to the Youngers, to some top-level Nike peeps and the designers behind the VLM trainers. We looked after each other on our run, and ate cake back at the shop. I chatted to a Thai boxing champ and a first-time runner (when was the last time you saw a funky paramedic?) I ran, sweated, bitched about work, gossiped, and left 1948 the same way I arrived: with a smile on my face. @iCandieCupcakes did a grand job leading the Tortoises.

I love the fact that I’ve met so many interesting and nice people – and in what must surely be the coolest running club in London, no less. And to think, when I started running, it was a purely solo activity (save the few times I went running with my ex-boyfriend).

Social running isn’t about speed (I was moaning about not being fast enough), it’s about getting to know people but you just happen to be running and getting fit at the same time. I can worry about speed on a solo run or a tempo/interval workout. RDC – well the people in it- are a big part of what’s made running such a positive experience for me.

I learned about the power of ‘you can do it‘ – more magical a phrase doesn’t exist in the English language (apart, maybe, from ‘calorie-free chocolate cheesecake eaten off a naked Bradley Cooper‘, but, again, as always, I digress.)

Jokes aside, I doubt very much I’d be training for my second half-marathon if I hadn’t joined them.

So I’m looking forward to tonight’s run, not least because I’m having a struggle with my training right now, but because the sheer energy we generate is irresistible, whether you’re feeling on top of the world or at rock bottom. That’s kept me going for over a year, and will keep me going.

My run May 21 2011

Not the end of the world

Tonight was the first time, outside of winter, that’s I’d gone running after dark. It felt strange, a bit scary, and pretty good…

The good:

Beautiful, clear royal blue skies; funky cloud formations as the sun set

The strange:

The fact I’d left the house at 9pm.  I’d usually be tucked up indoors!

The scary:

Two random blokes who came down a set of steps as I was doing a bit of stair running decided to park themselves right near to where I was training. Not being in the mood to give two dodgyfucks a free show, I trotted off home. I’m not especially friendly or accommodating in Leytonstone after 7pm, so it’s not a good idea to take any risks.

All in all, it was a nice little trot. Blew away some cobwebs, and listening to No Return and Silicon Valley by Artificial Intelligence helped elevate it into an meditative experience, not just another road run. Ahhh 🙂


Running will mash up your feet! I have become one of Those People: people who have toenail extensions. RIP my beautiful feet; Paris claimed 4 of my toenails. FML!

The thing I'm going to attempt to do

I caught this today in Sam Murphy’s ‘Murphy’s Lore’ column of the new edition of Runner’s World:

“My husband has pledged to run every single day of 2011 – in what he has called the Daily Mileage Challenge or Run DMC – making running not just part of his routine but a daily habit. So far, he feels it has had a positive influence on his running form and his mindset.”

Run DMC. Run. Daily Mileage Challenge. I love this. Time was, before technical clothing, watches and negative splits, when I hit the road every morning and/or evening for the sheer joy of it. Sad to say, but taking running seriously can kinda suck all the joy out of it – if you let it.

I’ve suffered a real lack of return to form since Paris, and a few of my fellow Team Bangs girls have felt the same. Hayfever is largely responsible for the fact that my runs, morning and evening, have been painfully short and pretty awfu; a real struggle. Finding the right medication to allow me to breathe, and not feel like I’m smacked up to the tits, has been a mission; Loratadine might just be the one that saves me. Poor performance has led to a motivation drop, which has led to a caloric spike. My Twin Peaks Challenge is in June, and I need to get into a shape that’s not ’round’ PFQ.

So, the plan of action is thus: first, I need to make daily appointments with the road, be it a social or community/crew/club run, to get my mojo back where it belongs. Second, I need a coherent plan of attack so I can get up two buildings – without one of them being A & E.

Baby steps, though. Tomorrow I go out for a morning trot, and in the evening I tackle aerial silks (excited! More of that tomorrow, though).

Run DMC. Let’s do it!